From the time I moved to WordPress, I have not been very happy with the way my blog looked.
And then I wanted to move back to Blogger…

So here I go… Hop over there!

A very recent conversation about Ayn Rand got me all thinking. Yes, this blog is named Aynrants and I am Ms.Taggart. Thats a fair enough give away that I am a huge Ayn Rand fan.
I havent had the patience to dig up her Objectivisim theory, but whatever small I understand of it, I like it. But more than these, I love her books. Oh yes, I havent read all of them, just Atlas Shrugged & FountainHead.

I was barely 18 when I first read Atlas Shrugged. Picked it off my uncle’s bookshelf and started reading it. At that age, I totally loved the guts Rearden had, and hated Lilian. I loved Dagny’s resilience and hated James’s weak attitude. I adored Francisco, and loved the two professors. I imagined that Galt’s Gulch is for true, and dreamt of going there some day. I loved the sentence, ‘Who is John Galt?’. It looked like a answer to many questions that teenage brain of mine had. And above all, I worshipped John Galt.
Someone so intelligent, so persistent, and so determined – I thought I should have those qualities when I grow up.
Someone whom everyone trusted, whom people respected, and loved – I put John Galt on the pedestal.

Now almost a decade after reading that book, my feelings have not changed. Yes, they have matured a bit, but that was because I have grown up.
John Galt is still on the pedestal, but Dagny Taggart reached that place with her strength & never-say-die attitude. Francisco still stays there, but now I understand him better. Hank will always be where he is, but what now I know why he is not willing to share his success. And yes, I still loathe people like James & Lilian.
I still dream of going to my own Galt’s Gulch with like-minded people someday.
But the most important thing this book has done to me in all these years is to give me a model. In the form of different characters, Ayn has clearly written down the streaks each person should have in his character, and like they say character is destiny!

Now coming to the other book, FountainHead – after having read the earlier one, I was so besotted with Ayn Rand that I had to read this. At almost 21, I read this book for the first time.
That instant, I fell in love with Roark also. He appealed to me then, and the young me did not understand Dominique better. And I hated & sympathized with Keating at the same time. I almost ignored Gail Wynand.

But now after so many years, the practical me does not let me feel the same way about this book anymore. Yes, its a classic, but I still fail to understand why Dominique had to go to Keating, and then to Wynand and then ditch him at the hour he needed her the most and then go to Roark finally. Nopes, dont get me wrong here, I am not preaching that she should’ve stuck to one man, I just fail to understand the motive behind giving your ownself so much torture and glorify it. I do not see logic in the love she had for Roark.
However, Roark – his slender yet agile body, orange hair, long fingers, his calmness yet determination, his art still are etched the same way in my mind’s picture.
But now, Gail Wynand is almost my fave.
I love this guy who had the guts to accept the mistakes he did and goes to great heights to bring himself peace. If someone works on something from which they dont expect any material benefits but just mental piece, then their strength to do that is what is commendable.
I love the way he would handle his relationships and his love for Dominique.
I loved the guy’s silence when he accepted Dominique’s & Roark’s relationship.
I pitied the helplessness which made him ask ‘Is this the first time after our marriage?”
I got inspired by the way he stood for a friend and sailed him through thick & thin.
I love the way this guy handled his enemies..
In short, he is my new hero.

This is what I love about these two books. I love the way Ayn Rand does Hero worship, yet makes the woman protaganist equally strong. The love the main protaganists share in these books is unique. They dont crave to be together, they dont even share a complete dialogue, they just love each other. Yes, it seems impossible for anyone to share a love like that in real world, but she makes sure that this kind of love atleast lives great in the dreams.

And this proves to me that a book which will not change the way you feel towards it even after a 100th read is a classic, or rather your fave book!

Was reading the lyrics of The Reason , which happened to creep onto the top in my playlist off late..
Totally love the lyrics, but the first thought that came to my mind – Does this kind of love exist?

I know love is beautiful, and its the best thing to happen to a person and all that jazz. I know you feel completed when you are in love, and I also know that its lucky to find love.

But this kind of love, the one mentioned in the song, like how you feel like holding the tears, how you can never ever forgive for giving her some pain… this one is beyond me.

Either I forgot how it is to be in love, that fresh feeling, or I never felt that kind of an emotion, both of which are okay. Coz I know that the fresh feeling will never be fresh, and the important feeling is the one that lasts, and if I never felt that emotion, thats because I am not an emotional person, but it would be interesting to see someone who feels all this..

Is there anyone who has felt this all even after few years of togetherness?

I mean, does anyone actually feel this kind of love in real life, or is it all fiction?
I always thought no one would be as foolish as Scarlett O Hara is, to give up everything you have in pursuit of one man!
I always thought violins-in-a-slow-tune never happen when people fall in love.
I always thought no man would leave everything he has and go behind his wife, like the protaganist in Zaahir does. Yes, the reason he does that for is different, but the feelings he feels are profound!
Is there something like – you stay in his arms and you dont want anything else? Naah, not for me atleast. I would enjoy the moment thoroughly, but then that is not life.
Is there really a Prince Charming? Is it enough if he just charms you and takes you in a pumpkin carriage?

Well, in my world, everything is practical & real.
I believe in love which makes me feel secure, and happy.
I believe in love which gives me my space and lets me grow.
I believe in love where I can share each of my feelings and get support/understanding in return.
I believe that I might miss someone terribly, but I can still be happy by myself.
At the same time, if I am not missing someone, it does not necessarily mean that I do not love the person the same way anymore.
I would want to stay in his arms, and look into his eyes, but that would be for the rest of my life, not for just a moment or two. And I wouldnt do it with stars in my eyes, just a neat smile on the lips!

Dont get me wrong, I am not talking about the soulmate here. I do believe in the connection between two souls. I, for one do not believe that there is a soulmate.
Neither am I talking about the One. I do not believe that there is something like the One.
Mr.Right exists, but the catch is, there are always Mr.Rights.
I, for once do not believe in Love-happens-only-once funda, or in the true love funda.
If it is love, then it is true. Otherwise its just infatuation, lust or attraction.

This curious rant is about the kind of love I have never felt!

I have contemplated on what I would do, if ever the person I love would leave me and go. Well, I might cringe and yearn for his company for a while, and miss him after that. After a while, I think I will get back to life.
My funda would be – As long as it was there, it was good. Now let me not spoil it by dwelling over it!

From the time I have known love, I have been like this, and have enjoyed it this way. Always loved with all my heart and never regretted it!
Yes, there were times when I crossed the love-mush line and went the other side, much to the irritation of the other person, but those were very limited, and I was very young back then! And I still laugh at those times, with disbelief that I am capable of those things.

Yep, so this kind of love exists only in the movies & books! And people like me will always wonder on this, and continue to be happy with what they feel! And if someone I know feels this kind of love, I would be amused…

After all, to one his own!

Sometimes I sit & wonder
what’s with the grass on the yonder!
Does my heart just crave
Or is it just another wave!

Great my life looks from a different eye
But whats wrong with my rye!
What do I want, will I ever realize?
Till then, will I let the boredom capsize?
Filled with the never-ending apprehension
Will I let my life taken over by depression!

Thoughts like this make me feel strange
Never ever had I seen in this range!
Whats wrong in my life is the question?
Bored, Depressed, Blues have crept into my diction
Thoughts like this make me feel sad!
Not knowing what it is makes me feel bad!

Love makes me feel great
But even that doesnt let the down-feeling abate
Life is not just about love
Without you knowing, it throws you into a stove
Do I need satisfaction at the job?
Even that does not make my heart throb

This brain of mine wants to learn
But for time I yearn
Guitar, Tai-Chi or French
But then I am never able to cross the trench!

It wants to travel the countries
People are ready to dance by my whimsies
Want to visit Shanghai
Singapore or be it Sinai!
I go about the roaming
But when back, the heart again starts aching

Is this just mid-life crisis?
Or am I going into an endless abyss?

Poetry-ke-devta mujhe par taras khaaye
lekin mere poems rhyme nahi kar paaye
Vocabulary nahi hain itni bhi weak
lekin seekhne keliye lagega easily one week!

So like the verse(please call it that for my sake!) above says, due to the beautiful Kavi Sammelan happening on Lajjo’s blog, I got to explore this side of me..

Banna hain mujhe bhi kavi
socha nahi iske baare mein pehle kabhi
Ab jab soch hi liya to karleti hoon main poetry
Aur tum sab log bolo wah for my pottery!

Here are the poems(will be called pottery from hereon) I wrote there..

Taggart ne poora poetry padha
Drenched, Janie & Dreamer ne jo kiya
Wish karti hain ki woh bhi likhe
lekin uske words, saale rhyme hi nahi karte

Dreamer, tum to awesome
Drenched bhi kam nahi hain
Jania ke baare mein to pata hi hain!
Ab mujhe bhi mil gaya hain inspiration

Taggart knows her poetry lacks rhyme
but woh takhegi nahi even if the clocks chime!

Bagpiper ke naam sunte hi hue Taggart ke kaan khade
Usko bhi party mein hazir hona hain
Pata hain usko, uski poetry sad hain!
Lekin woh try karegi din raat ek karke!

Confusedji, aise mat kahiye
hum aapke blog par bhi banayenge bhujiye
Jaise Drenched ne confess kiya
hum bhi hain aapke silent fan!

We get to hear to so much about a few communities like the Punju, Gujju, Bong & Mallu.. but so less abt communities like Tulu & Konkan..
On thinking more of in these lines, I thought that we Tulus are also are unique and as typical as any of the above communities.. I think I am going to write more on the same…

-Dagny “Feeling very fanatic abt my mother tongue” Taggart

Sometimes I wonder if it is actually good to be strong.. I wish I wasnt this strong…

Being strong .. is this my weakness or strength!!!

Yeah, these days I am totally hooked to Nemi. Glad I was to see that there is a comic strip for adults, and in love I am with Nemi..
Totally…

With her vegetarianism attitude, love for animals & alcohol and similar traits, she reminds me of myself, and I love to see her leading such a nice life being single!

Do check her out at – Nemi
More about her on Wiki …

Currently, I am going through the archives!!!

Goodness! I just sooo hate myself! I hate it when I am on this guilt trip! I hate it when I am not able to do what I promised myself to do.
And I am going to badly hate it when that neice of mine is going to be disappointed in me! (Now I am down to pray that she forgets my promise!)

I hate New Year Resolutions!

One of mine was to hit the gym atleast 5 times in a week, and I have not been able to see the door of the gym in more than 2 weeks! And to think that I promised my neice that I will be much much thinner the next time she sees me, and the time is approaching!
I hate these tight schedules and these long-journeys to work! I wish I could make this lazy mind of mine to go to the office gym! I wish I was less painful in my work-life rules!

I am sure I will go mad!

Aaargghhh…

How I hate it when people come up and talk to me about how much they hate Microsoft, and its products. How Vista sucks and how much memory it takes.
And how Bill Gates is not doing a good job at making software.

Look, I am not in the Vista team nor am I great friends with BillG nor do I hate Open Source. Every software comes with its own pros & cons. But I just have one thing to say to people who are on a MS-Dissing-Rampage.
If you hate MS products so much, then please dont use any of them! MS still wont run out of money! I am sure of it.

This rant/outlet is because a good friend of mine dissed MS badly(no, I dont take offense of it because I did not start that organization!) and how people would be jobless if Bill Gates did a good job of what he is doing.
I just couldn’t resist writing a little acrid email to him.
Posting it here, of course after editing it a bit! -

I am not a MS fanatic, but I find it funny when ppl say stuff just for the heck of it. And yes, I don’t even work in the Vista team, nor in the Office team.

Vista might be bad and might be a memory sucker(btw, did u try running Vista on 2GB RAM? If you dont, you shud probably try it, coz the world is moving towards faster processors and bigger RAMs), I also read zillions of articles, but how do u explain that almost 50K of PCs in our organization work on Vista and still are able to get their stuff done. And pray explain the increasing sales of Vista? Well.. MS made a quarter on quarter profit after Vista released. Not to mention the anti-piracy efforts yielding. Oh yes.. enterprises are still buying Vista in bulk.
So in short, it might suck, but it still sells.. and you also will get Vista installed on your system in another year or two, though not now. I bet you on that!

And if Bill Gates does a good job, then how would half the IT industry be jobless? How many ppl manufacture an OS here other than Apple & Microsoft? How many companies here manufacture DB engines other than MS & Oracle? How many ppl here manufacture something similar to Sharepoint services?
I would really like to know that!
And if Open Source is so good(I know Open Source is good, and I worked on it myself!), then why dont people have Linux on all their laptops? (there is a very funny anecdote regarding Linux on your laptop, will tell it another time!)

People talk about how materialistic this organization is. All I can say is, not many organizations in this world contribute that much to charity as MS does.(we do have Infy doing as good a job too, but MS matches your every contribution that you choose to give to the NGO of your choice – this is just a small tip of the charity iceberg there!)

Yes, Windows is MS’s jewel crown, but MS does not manufacture just that. There are over 500 products that MS manufactures and which are being sold every other day in retail shops & for enterprises. So MS is no more all about Windows.

And its easy to say that you hate MS software, but I want to see one person who says this and still be able to work on a day to day basis without using one of the MS products. Well, there are alternatives, u see… Outlook can be replaced by your Eudora, Office can be replaced by the new stuff that Google got. I will want to know what the replacement for Excel & PPT is though.

And I am not talking like a crusader for MS here… just the practical stuff that everyone knows but does not want to accept.

So in short, if you want to diss MS, you gotta work on Open Sources and not use any MS product at all, all your life.

Simple!

Though I am not sure if this will spoil the equation I have with this friend of mine, but then I thought enough is enough. Everyone needs to accept the reality like it is, and stop living in a hypocritical world, when you will type emails on Outlook and still diss MS!!!